8 Keys to Investing in your Kid's soul

"I believe the children are our future..."   - W Houston

Proverbs 1:8-9 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

The implication in this passage is that the father and mother are actively iinstructing and teaching!

'If I'm being totally humble and honest, I have to say that my kids are the most amazing kids anyone could ever know.  Probably better than any other kids God has ever blessed this earth with.'  :)

I think most parents humbly believe that our kids are amazing and that they're probably the pinnacle of God's creative efforts thus far.

As parents, the work of investing in the spiritual development of our children is our primary function.  Yet this can easily become a neglected area of instructing and teaching.  

We teach our kids about everything from math, reading, sports, hunting, fishing, advice about girls and boys, how to change oil and swap out a flat tire.. but do we teach them to value and invest in their own soul?  The Bible? The Church? A personal relationship with Jesus?

Many parents (who may even be engaged in their own spiritual growth) aren't that great at showing and teaching their children about what a spiritually lead life looks like. 

I know that when my three kids were little, (now they are 17, 19 and 21), I had set myself up as the answer Dad.  I travelled a lot and when I was home, I had all the answers.  I was super Dad!  Whoosh in and answer things and Whoosh out!  So when it came to things I didn't quite understand, I either deflected, got frustrated or just ignored it all together.  

As I got older and my kids started to grow I knew I had to change and intentionally lead them.  I responded to God's calling and it radically changed my life, job, career and lifestyle and I was able to be more present and grow in my parenting.  

Here are 8 thoughts that I hope help you.  Some I've done, some I'm doing and some I wish I'd done.  

1. Lead by example.  Your kids are watching you.  How you treat people, the church, your pastor, other kids... you're showing your kids how to value people by what you do and how you treat them.  Do you want your kids to respect their elders?  Then model it. Let them see you honor the spiritual leaders in your life.  (If you don't have spiritual leaders, that's a problem because you're teaching your kids that you are the end of all authority and I promise you that when they leave home, your relationship will be shattered when they learn you are not all you set yourself up to be.)

2.  Sing with them. "Anyone can sing" Music is mysterious in how it touches and unified us.  It's such a gift from God.  Worship with your kids.  Sing in the car together.  Teach them songs that are honoring to people.  Project:  make up a list of your family values together and make up a rhyme with your last name.  Give them an identity of high character that brings them pride and strength.  

3. Teach them the beauty of the mystery of God.  Be honest with them about what you don't know.  One of the biggest parenting mistakes we can make is to allow our kids to think we have all of the answers.   This sets us up to teach them to fear and worship man kind instead of God.    If we can be honest that even we grown ups need to have child like faith and trust God with what we don't know, the seed of faith will continue to grow in their hearts.  

4. Apologize to your kids when you are wrong.  This gives them dignity and a strong foundation that there is absolute truth in the world.  And it builds their confidence that truth is on their side and gives an example of humility when they make a mistake.  

5. Teach them to trust.  People are generally good. You may feel like the world is against you and that anyone in any type of authority is "the man". But that's really your own insecurity, pain and pride that hasn't been dealt with.   Don't project that on your kids.  Police, doctors, judges, teachers, pastors...  all just want to help people.  Teach them to trust. 

(Yes, Someone will violate that trust at some point and they will be hurt and they will grow and strengthen so they can trust again).  If we don't have hope in each other then we're all doomed.

6. Remind them daily that their value comes from their being not from their performance.   Don't get me wrong.  Don't reward them for existing.  But separate the reward for accomplishment from their value as a person.   One is for something you've done and the other is something you are.  We have all seen that go wrong on both sides where great athletes think they're great people and their platform for pride are their downfall.   The other side of that is the truth that most kids are amazing and talented in ways for which we don't award trophies!  I'd love to see an award ceremony and lettermans jacket for the kid who picks up trash in the lunch room faithfully, or the one who gives up half his lunch every day to help a friend not go hungry.  Your kids worth is eternal and a gift from God because they're made in His image and their real trophy comes from God when they take their part in His plan in loving people to bring His Kingdom to earth as it is in Heaven. 

7.  You're not alone:  

This is where a church comes in.  If you're hesitant to engage with your kids, it's ok, you're not a bad parent.  You were never intended or expected by God to raise them alone.   Go to a church who has a desire to help equip you to initiate spiritual conversations in your family.  And engage in that church's mission. Engaging and committing to a church is the #1 way to show your children that investing in their community and their spiritual development is important.   

Ask your children's ministry leaders to share their plans with you.  Ask them to give you the bible verses they're teaching from.   And on the way home from church ask them about their lesson that day.   But ask in a smart way that will get an answer.   

"What activity did you do in class today?"  "What did they teach you about Jesus today? "

(Don't ask "what did you learn in class today". That feels like a test and brains seize up. )

Finally and most importantly:  

8.  Pray for your children.  Pray for their souls, their hearts, their minds and their strength.    Pray for their future.  Pray for their spouse to be.  Pray for their careers and pray most of all that God would be so close to their heart they would have courage and conviction to be the most amazing light in this world that you know they can be!   

Set your alarm to wake you up or stop your work or interrupt your day to pray for your kids.  You will find that when you pray for them, your heart aligns with God's heart and you will be more patient, loving, insightfully, compassionate and more equipped to train them up to love.  

Proud Dad of 3 amazing kids who are probably the most amazing kids God has ever created.  

Pastor Mike

Thank you Church! Focus on our mission field!

Church,

 I want to thank you for being the kind of church that isn't wrapped up in issues like Mark Driscoll or the 700 Club. We have enough burden to carry dealing with our own community.

 I'm glad no one is asking me my opinion because I don't know enough about what's going on to have anything useful to add I don't really feel the need to learn enough about this issue to form a useful word.

Dave Jackson visited us a few months ago and he said this: "I asked God to break my heart from everything that breaks His heart, and God made it clear to me.. Dave, If I did that you'd be a worthless pile of goo broken beyond repair. I will break your heart for what I'm equipping you to handle. That's enough."

That was brilliant. We don't need to be adopting other peoples issues and starting fires of drama. God has given us so much to do to make disciples and reach the lost in our areas of influence that is where we can focus.

I love you church!

Pastor Mike

Well done my good and faithful servant

Well done my good and faithful servant!  

This is from a parable told by Jesus in Matthew chapter 25.   After some of his servants proved trustworthy their master said "well done good and faithful servant, because you have been faithful with little, I have set you over much".    Regardless of the promise of being "set over much" something inside of me aches to hear "Well done" from God.

One thing that repels me from many Christian movements is that they tend invite people to a life disconnected from the world which we are here to serve.  My deepest desire is to be useful to God.  I want join God in bringing His Kingdom to earth as it is in heaven.   I want to be engaged in bringing hope to the struggle of the world and be a constant reminder to people of the hope available in Jesus.  To serve as a conduit for God to love His lost children.  

There are programs, movements, clubs and groups that may be right, good and true, but I'm just not able to see how they are useful.  (Granted it may be my own shortcomings that are stopping me from understanding.)    They are enticing and seem to be lulling people in to a safe bubble of christian community and a spiritual experience seeking culture with no inspiration to send people out to the world and be the light of hope to a hurting world.  

With my growing understanding of who I am in Christ and the directions given to me by scripture,  I just don't see him commanding me to ensure that I have a full social calendar, lots of Christian friends and spend all of my free time with other Christians 'discerning' proper worship styles, bible interpretations and rightly classifying different theologies.   

Now, along the road and on my journey to the ends of the earth to make disciples of Jesus, I am invited to live my life in the spirit of God and along the way, I will experience fellowship, iron sharpening iron, encouragement of a church family, inspiration from sound teaching by someone who loves me.  But to dedicate my time, community, relational energy and identity to a flavor or style of safe and sheltered "christianity", is a complete waste of a great opportunity to shape eternity.    I don't think God would say that I was trustworthy with what he has given me if I am not useful with it.   The rest of that parable in Matthew 25 the servant answered:  "I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground". And the master responded "You wicked and slothful servant".

Don't get me wrong, I value community, healthy theological discussion and worshipful, potluckful christian community.  I absolutely love it!   I need it!  Without those, the journey to disciple making would be difficult, lonely and full of mistakes.    However these "cushioned" environments aren't what makes me more like Jesus.  They are where I go when I am 'afraid and go and hide what I've been trusted with in the ground'.   They don't help God reach the lost, and surely are not a light to the world. (MT 5:14)   Because unless the light is coming to the people who need it and inviting them in, the light is far off, unattainable and provides segregation and no hope whatsoever.   

Matthew 28:18-20  And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

As a Pastor, I pray that those whom I serve will not get wrapped up in the delusion of phony christianity where this is no risk, no sacrifice and no cost.   We have been given the very spirit of the God of the universe!  Jesus reminds us that He has all authority in heaven and earth and he promises to be with us until the end of the age!  So we are to go and make disciples of Jesus.  

I cannot think of any valid excuse that would preclude us from acting on that commission.  Jesus removes the barriers we would have.  "I am with you, I have the authority".  But we so easily elevate our own fears & insecurities overcome our desire to do God's will.  (It was fear that stopped the MT 25 wicked servant from stewarding well) 

 What if we thought of this like Jesus wants Peter to think of it.  

John 21:15-17 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time,“Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him,“Feed my sheep.

I've said this many times.  As a father, husband, pastor, friend... I love to see people I love love people I love.    This is true with God.  Jesus says "If you love me, feed my sheep".  

This also sheds light on the great command:  When Jesus was asked, what is the greatest of all of the commands Jesus said: 

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” MT 22:36-40

Jesus is telling Peter is the same thing.  If you love me, feed my sheep.  If you love me, then love those I love.   It's also the same as "putting on the mind of Christ" or asking for God to "fill you with His spirit"...  the purpose is always to love others!  All of the gifts and commands of God are designed to help us love each other better. Even the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 are all about how we can love each other better.  

I'm telling you that Bill & Ted (Excellent Adventure) were on to something with the simple mantra "Be excellent to each other".   There's beauty in that simple statement.  

CS Lewis in the Screwtape Letters says it this way:  ... how enslaved they are to the pressure of the ordinary.

We can get wrapped up in a false sense of christian living.  It's time to redefine Christianity not by how much time we spend with like minded people, but by how much time we spend with the hurting and those who need the good news of Jesus.  At the end of the day, THAT is what will make God say  "Well done my good and faithful servant".   That is what my soul I longs to hear from my loving Father.  

Matthew 28:18-20  And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Judgey judge judgerson

But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (1 Corinthians 5:11 ESV)

It is tempting to tolerate/endorse sin for the sake of acceptance and a false sense of peace.   We need to encourage each other to accept Jesus as Savior AND Lord.  Give everything to Him, even our self-justified sin. 

Paul's statement in this passage not only rings true with God's character but with the practical experience of life.   It is hateful to our brothers to watch them sin and give them to nod of acceptance rather than the sweet, loving & judging word of correction. 

This ONLY applies to those who call themselves your brother.  (Your church family).  Outside of that unity, there's no ground for judgement, because there is not a common agreement as to what the standard should be for basing a judgement.  For those outside the "family" we are to love them without judgement, just like the Christian wouldn't want a Pagan to use their standard of morality to judge him.  God judges, we love.